This is not to undermine anyone's background, profession or whatever, but rather, it is to put a bit of a brake on the many youths and bachelors out there on what 3-5 minutes of pleasure can cost them in life.
It is not every frog that hops your way that is good as sauce for soup. Some frogs' bones can hook you in the throat for life.
Story is about one Ronke (Identity protected) and me (lovingly called Uncle Ayo by other tenants)
RONKE:
The girl was always coming to check on me after returning home from work or Church - Daystar.
She would spend hours with me chatting and asking questions. My big aunty who owned the apartment would either be in Prayer City or minding her little businesses.
Ronke’s mum saw everything going on with her daughter always dropping by in our apartment but she never cautioned her daughter or challenged me for once for ‘harbouring’ her scantily dressed daughter.
I was always taking my time in church after spending the whole day with a senior friend (Tunji M) at work. This lady would stay on the look out for me till I returned, and then she would just show up at our net door from nowhere.
Many Lagos apartments have a net door to keep mosquitoes and other flies out of the house whilst enjoying the benefit of proper ventilation. Like a silhouette, Ronke would imprint herself on this net door until I answered her call to open it.
I stopped inviting her to church when I realised she had no idea of what she wanted with her own life. She would only go with me as my ‘girlfriend’ as she once told me. When I realised it was more of me and nothing else, I stayed out more in church!
One day, she started throwing up early in the morning. I was still in my dream land when I heard my name mentioned.
I scrambled up from my mattress on the floor. I was home alone. Friday morning! My Aunty had gone to the Prayer City the previous evening ahead of her full weekend of demon-slaying rituals. She won’t be back until Monday morning. And there I was hearing my name....like one to be devoured or sacrificed on an altar....by a mother with the voice of many loud speakers....
Mother:
Shey uncle Ayo ni? (Is it uncle Ayo?)
Shey uncle Ayo ni? (Is it uncle Ayo?)
Eeyan daada ni uncle Ayo. (Uncle Ayo is a good person)
Shaa so tooto fun mi, emi a de lo so fun ko le mo igbese to ma gbe. Shey Ayò ni se? (Just confirm the truth to me and I will go and tell him so he could decide what steps to take. Is it uncle Ayo?).
Daughter:
Rara, kii se uncle Ayo. (No, it is not uncle Ayo)
Rara, kii se uncle Ayo. (No, it is not uncle Ayo)
Mother:
Kilo so? Oh mean pe Ayo ko lo fun e loyun? (What did you say? You mean Ayo is not the one responsible for this pregnancy?)
Kilo so? Oh mean pe Ayo ko lo fun e loyun? (What did you say? You mean Ayo is not the one responsible for this pregnancy?)
Daughter:
Rara maami, kii s’awon se. (No mother, he is not the one).
Rara maami, kii s’awon se. (No mother, he is not the one).
Mother:
Ha, o ba temi je 'Ronke'. (Alas, you have destroyed my life Ronke)
Ha, o ba temi je 'Ronke'. (Alas, you have destroyed my life Ronke)
So, Ayo o fowo kan e ri? Bo ti e je igbakan...kaa le ti mo lorun? (So Ayo never touched or had carnal knowledge of you even for once just to push it on him?
Daughter:
Rara se maami (No mother) she vomited again.
Rara se maami (No mother) she vomited again.
Mother:
Ah, Omo ale ni e. #%}{%^*#+#^|>|<\<\<]#]{}%#*#+|^€~?¥~•¥~$€|>]^{^%\#[#[}]#\<.<{%{^~**~*~+~+~~+}=={+{*\€|!|>.<,],]#{#%{%^]^]\€!|!|?|>|>, o kan waste gbogbo igbe aye ni odo omo okunrin to daa beyen? Ko ma le boso fun ko se obirin fun? O de dojutimi. Oo ni soriire o. (Ah, you are a bastard. [unprintable curses]. So you just wasted the time of your life with that very good boy? And you couldn't undress for him and prove yourself a woman? You shamed me. It won't be well with you).
Ah, Omo ale ni e. #%}{%^*#+#^|>|<\<\<]#]{}%#*#+|^€~?¥~•¥~$€|>]^{^%\#[#[}]#\<.<{%{^~**~*~+~+~~+}=={+{*\€|!|>.<,],]#{#%{%^]^]\€!|!|?|>|>, o kan waste gbogbo igbe aye ni odo omo okunrin to daa beyen? Ko ma le boso fun ko se obirin fun? O de dojutimi. Oo ni soriire o. (Ah, you are a bastard. [unprintable curses]. So you just wasted the time of your life with that very good boy? And you couldn't undress for him and prove yourself a woman? You shamed me. It won't be well with you).
Vomiting interlude and beating started again...
Daughter:
Maami e joor, mo boso fun won. Pastor ni uncle ayo, awon lo tun so fun mi ki n wo aso mi pada. (Please mummy, I did take off my cloths for him. Uncle Ayo is a pastor and he asked me to put them on again)
Maami e joor, mo boso fun won. Pastor ni uncle ayo, awon lo tun so fun mi ki n wo aso mi pada. (Please mummy, I did take off my cloths for him. Uncle Ayo is a pastor and he asked me to put them on again)
Mother:
Oo bo aso e to ni. (You didn’t strip enough).
Oo bo aso e to ni. (You didn’t strip enough).
Sound of beating....gbis, gbas, gbus, gbos,
Daughter: (sobbing hard)
Ye maami, e pami. E joor. Boda Ayo lagidi ni. Won ko tile wo mi nigba ti mo bo aso mi tan. Mo tun di mo won nigba ti mo be mo won. Won kan wo mi bi omode kan lasan ni. Won drop mi bi baby ni. Won ni won gbawe ni church won. Ati igba yen ni won ti nsa ni ile. Mo try maami. (Please mummy, you will kill me. Uncle Ayo was very stubborn. He didn't even look at me in my nakedness. I even grabbed and jumped on him but he took me for a kid and dropped me like a baby. He said he was doing church fasting. Since then he has not been staying at home. I tried mother). Sobbing.
Ye maami, e pami. E joor. Boda Ayo lagidi ni. Won ko tile wo mi nigba ti mo bo aso mi tan. Mo tun di mo won nigba ti mo be mo won. Won kan wo mi bi omode kan lasan ni. Won drop mi bi baby ni. Won ni won gbawe ni church won. Ati igba yen ni won ti nsa ni ile. Mo try maami. (Please mummy, you will kill me. Uncle Ayo was very stubborn. He didn't even look at me in my nakedness. I even grabbed and jumped on him but he took me for a kid and dropped me like a baby. He said he was doing church fasting. Since then he has not been staying at home. I tried mother). Sobbing.
Mother:
O try to. Pastor wo lori awe lo ma ri iru e pelu ileke idi e ti a de ni ohun o se? Shebi youth tabi student pastor ni? Ko ye ki iyen ko stop e rara. Ayo o ni iyawo now. Mi o ti ri obirin kan pelu e ri fun odun kan to ti wa nibi. Ki de nse okobo ni? Oo se to, ma so yen fun mi rara. O je komo to da beyen lo mo e lowo! Talo wa loyun? (You didn't try enough. Which pastor on fasting will see someone like you with your waist beads and will still not be interested in sleeping with you? He is only a student or youth pastor. Ayo doesn't even have a wife. I have not seen any lady with him for a year he has been living here now. And he is not impotent. You didn't do enough and that shouldn't stop you at all, and don't tell me that nonsense. Ah, you allowed that good boy to slip away. So who is responsible?).
O try to. Pastor wo lori awe lo ma ri iru e pelu ileke idi e ti a de ni ohun o se? Shebi youth tabi student pastor ni? Ko ye ki iyen ko stop e rara. Ayo o ni iyawo now. Mi o ti ri obirin kan pelu e ri fun odun kan to ti wa nibi. Ki de nse okobo ni? Oo se to, ma so yen fun mi rara. O je komo to da beyen lo mo e lowo! Talo wa loyun? (You didn't try enough. Which pastor on fasting will see someone like you with your waist beads and will still not be interested in sleeping with you? He is only a student or youth pastor. Ayo doesn't even have a wife. I have not seen any lady with him for a year he has been living here now. And he is not impotent. You didn't do enough and that shouldn't stop you at all, and don't tell me that nonsense. Ah, you allowed that good boy to slip away. So who is responsible?).
Daughter: crying....
Chuka ni maami. (It's Chuka mother.) Sobbing.
Chuka ni maami. (It's Chuka mother.) Sobbing.
Mother: screamed....
Ah, temi baje. O ba temi je o Ronke? Iru aiye wo ni mo wa siyi o. Chukwuka classmate e to da Fokanisa? Ayo de wa ni abe igi imu e oooo. Fokanisa lo fi ori arokutu e yan. []#]#}^}^#*#*+#+#+|>{%{%^}^}*{+=[%]{}^}$}$#*%{<~,?\<\<{%}$}*#*#^#*#*#+#++]+[=]+{€|>|,?~!~€}. (Ah, I am finished. You have finished me Ronke. What kind of a world did I come into. Same Chukwka your classmate that turned a vulcaniser? And Ayo is under your nose here. So your destiny took you to a vulcaniser in the early morning of your life! (Unprintable words).
Ah, temi baje. O ba temi je o Ronke? Iru aiye wo ni mo wa siyi o. Chukwuka classmate e to da Fokanisa? Ayo de wa ni abe igi imu e oooo. Fokanisa lo fi ori arokutu e yan. []#]#}^}^#*#*+#+#+|>{%{%^}^}*{+=[%]{}^}$}$#*%{<~,?\<\<{%}$}*#*#^#*#*#+#++]+[=]+{€|>|,?~!~€}. (Ah, I am finished. You have finished me Ronke. What kind of a world did I come into. Same Chukwka your classmate that turned a vulcaniser? And Ayo is under your nose here. So your destiny took you to a vulcaniser in the early morning of your life! (Unprintable words).
Daughter: sobbing
O tin ta spare parts ni shop ara e bayi. Ki I se Fokanisa mo. (He sells spare parts now at his own shop. He is no longer a vulcaniser.
O tin ta spare parts ni shop ara e bayi. Ki I se Fokanisa mo. (He sells spare parts now at his own shop. He is no longer a vulcaniser.
Slaps, hitting, gbus...gbas
Daughter: screamed
Yeeee, mo ku o, e gba mi o. Maami fe pa mi. (Yeeeh, I am dead, somebody save me. My mother wants to kill me).
Yeeee, mo ku o, e gba mi o. Maami fe pa mi. (Yeeeh, I am dead, somebody save me. My mother wants to kill me).
(Neighbours including Ronke step-father all trooped out to pacify the mother and rescue Ronke)
Mother:
Ma pa e, ma de sin e. Adojutini omo. Ko si eeyan abi onise gidi lowo bi dokita, loya tabi enginia ti o le lo gbe oja e ba, o wa di Fokanisa.....kini iyato eni n ta spare part ati Fokanisa. (I will kill you and bury you. Shameful child. So there is no other better person with good profession like a doctor, lawyer or engineer you could take your body merchandise to but to a vulcaniser.....what is the difference between spare part seller and a vulcaniser?)
Ma pa e, ma de sin e. Adojutini omo. Ko si eeyan abi onise gidi lowo bi dokita, loya tabi enginia ti o le lo gbe oja e ba, o wa di Fokanisa.....kini iyato eni n ta spare part ati Fokanisa. (I will kill you and bury you. Shameful child. So there is no other better person with good profession like a doctor, lawyer or engineer you could take your body merchandise to but to a vulcaniser.....what is the difference between spare part seller and a vulcaniser?)
Neighbours started talking and asking her questions in hushed voices:
So it is not uncle ayo that's responsible.
So uncle ayo didn't touch you at all.
Did you ever doze off anytime at his place?
Did you for once feel tired or drowsy at his place?
Did you ever drink or eat anything at his place?
Or did he warn or threaten you to deny it?
So it is not uncle ayo that's responsible.
So uncle ayo didn't touch you at all.
Did you ever doze off anytime at his place?
Did you for once feel tired or drowsy at his place?
Did you ever drink or eat anything at his place?
Or did he warn or threaten you to deny it?
Mother:
E ba mi bi o. O ya mi lenu gan ibi to jasi. (Help me ask her oh. I am really surprised at the outcome.)
E ba mi bi o. O ya mi lenu gan ibi to jasi. (Help me ask her oh. I am really surprised at the outcome.)
AS FOR ME:
The 5 to 7 minutes episode was enough an eye opener as I sank in my heart.
The 5 to 7 minutes episode was enough an eye opener as I sank in my heart.
There, I knew of the original plan or thoughts of my neighbours who smiled and joyfully greeted or hailed me every time I walked in through the small gate to our compound towards me. It was not a good one at all.
They all chose to call me Ayo rather than Amos I was popularly known as or Deji that only family and old friends called me. I was shivering and sweating at our Opebi self-contained toilet window.
I gently sat on the toilet seat cover and recalled the day she stripped and turned on me. It was about 2 to 3 months to that day. I was watching Russell Crowe's Gladiator movie when she joined me.
And thank God for the jeans I was wearing. It was actually because of her that I always remained fully dressed up till very late at the time.
My fate would have been sealed had I ventured into that 3-5 minutes of indiscretion at the time. It would have been pleasure turning to bitter pills 4 to 8 weeks later.
They were looking for just a reason...just any reason to connect my 'Rodney Moses’ to her ‘Rebecca's well'.....and I would have become an instant father...husband...or someone to take up an immediate responsibility of an unborn child, and a visionless teenage mother at age 24.
Being early 2000s, paternity test could have taken time as it was not really a thing then and my future plans would have thrown up in tatters. Dreams and goals of travelling out for further studies then would have gone up in flames because of 3 minutes of ‘stolen’ pleasure.
And should I even be vindicated at the end, the question would be if I ‘chopped’ small flesh or not, and my clean reputation would have been shredded as people would know I was not what I had portrayed myself to be.
The fact that the neighbours, and especially Ronke’s mother knew she was spending her late evening with me but had no reason to caution her till that morning they heard a different story outcome really scared me.
People are watching you dear bachelors. They count your footsteps and monitor your breathing gaps. They know if it is a pink legs that come in with you, and a purple that go out next.
The fact that our lives are so open that they could tell or identify a hypocrite, especially when we claim to be religious really scares me till date.
So no matter what you are doing and how you are living, some neighbours have an opened book on you with sets of traps. In fact, you are being watched and you have no idea.
Don't fall into their traps and always write your way out of their opened books with your integrity. Stolen water may be sweet but is a deadly poison at the end.
Stay focused and never 'chop anything anyhow'. It can come back with a tuberculosis of crisis that will scatter your life's plans.
WAIT...ALWAYS WAIT...PATIENTLY....and don’t eat any bone that comes your way because it is fresh and free. The tiny bits of flesh you strip off that bone in few minutes may remain undigested for life in your system!
And congratulations to the true bachelors who successfully made it till today to metamorphose into the husband status.
Your bachelorship ended yesterday, and you are only a groom for a few hours today until you utter the most glorious 2 words - ‘I DO’ that would welcome you to the community of husbandship!
May this transformation be a blessed and blissful one.
©️Amostiasis 2013
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