Back in the day, I was trying really hard to impress a lady.
I was desperate for a relationship and I was opened to any....any lady fitting my sculpted mental image of a wife was given consideration.
There was this lady that I thought I had a chance with. I thought I could have her just by doing all her wishes and positioning myself well to pitch in with all her desires.
All she had to do was say her mind and I would fall in line doing just that. She was always raising the bar everytime with crazy demand and I was ready to match it.
One day, she mentioned she loved seeing guys in Ted Baker shirts and their other branded products.
I heard and acted. Me that my aunty had just introduced to Hawes and Curtis and TM Lewin, and I had to wait for their 3 shirts for £100 sales to pick up good ones decided to jump to Ted Baker.
I remember hopping down at Canary Wharf on my way home to shop for TB shirt. I couldn’t go to the city at that time of the day and I desperately wanted to get one for the following day.
I hit Canary Wharf and headed to the huge high end shopping arena. It was gold. The price slammed on commodities there were out of this world but I was bent on finding one.
Anyway, I found one.....£75! It fitted the exact description the lady I wanted to impress gave. I thought hard.....I had gone too far to go back. I calculated the impact on my wallet! Just one shirt for £75! I knew I could get 3 new ones on sale from H&W or TM.
I paid for it and walked out light-headed but feeling confident ahead of the next day.
Early morning, I ‘packaged’ myself like someone going for the interview of his life.
Peak period traveling in the UK is something else. And it took me time to forgive that day and Central Line - the Molue of London in particular.
Certain lines were unusually delayed that morning and most stations were congested. Central line was my best option as I made a change over at Liverpool Street.
To cut the long story short....one of the desperate people trying to force themselves on the overcrowded train tried to hold on to something as others shoved themselves on us for the train doors to close.
I heard ‘pararara’...very fast. I knew something was wrong. But I couldn’t turn around as we were too squeezed up to even turn around. I sensed the person knew damage has been done as the grip on me loosened up.
Next station, the person who I sensed held on to me got down with many others as I turned around to see what damage was done on me. I knew that sound was from me.
A mixed race guy said ‘sorry mate, I guess you have a huge wardrobe accident on you. My heart sank. I had to take off the shirt to see the damage. I swallowed my pride to unbutton my shirt......it was a drop down ripping through the middle.
My day and mood went south! But I still looked confident that Chantelle would see a TB on me if for anything for that day.
I got to work only to find out that Chantelle wasn’t in that day! She called in sick!
How daring? How could she call in sick just overnight? It was a Friday and no chance to ask her out for dinner on Saturday. She had already hinted her favourite eateries and I was ready to drop a dinner offer on her with my Ted Baker polka dots shirt on...and she decided not to show up!
I felt betrayed. On Monday, she called to say she was no longer coming as she got another job. What? No notice period? Did she realise what she had just done to me? Oh...the madness raged on the inside until I heard a whisper.....’why are you angry with someone that had no idea of the mountain inside your heart?’
Ohh wait....she had no idea? I thought we had chemistry going on!
‘When has ‘air’ Chemistry become the standard to gauge a commitment that was never put into words for discussion?’
And David comforted himself!
So I comforted myself and activated my healing period. I didn’t know Chemistry relationship can lead to a strong emotional feeling or emotional relationship with someone who had no idea of what you are thinking about them.
I forgave her for sins she never committed. I only blamed myself to commit myself to her dreams and wishes that she converted to audible words tor us to hear. I wrote down the 4 cardinals to finding my own woman shortly after that.
I looked at my £75 Ted Baker shirt and folded it very well. I saved it on a long silent journey of another 12 years to remind me of some deep lessons I learnt along the way.
It was with me when I met my wife. I had it well kept for years after that. I retired it finally just a few years ago after settling down in Leeds and I thought lesson was well learnt.
So bros, stop building emotional monument on that lady who has no idea of what you are going through in your mind.
If for anything, quickly convert your chemistry and emotion to worded requests so that the definition of your limit can be aptly described for you and you can easily move on.
Many times, some ladies can be friendly and act very free with you. But it doesn’t mean they have any catalyst activating anything in their hearts for you! They just trust you being around them I guess, and it is a plus if you see such from ladies around you. So stop going on a building project that will come crashing down hard on you.
And ladies, try to understand the ways the minds of men work. Don’t put men around you on ‘is-coming’ if you know you have nothing planned for them.
Your voice or walk or smile can cause men to become attached to you. Try and put a check on what you notice is unusually affecting a man that you know has no chance with you very early. Just define your scope regularly and from time to time to help guys define their own heart movement with you as well.
I may be right or wrong...there is nothing bad in ladies being free to express themselves...but they need to know that they should constantly put up a reminder ‘in the air’ to caution the guys around them to know that they are not sending ‘come and get me message’ into the air.
Stop talking in codes that will keep sending Bros on Ted Baker Shopping!
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