2016 Archives:
I was in Canada a few years back on a ‘wedding’ holiday. One evening, I took a stroll out with my aunty that we went went together.
At one traffic light, we pressed a button for cars to stop and let us cross. It was a normal street road but very wide. Compared to where we came from, it was a motorway street.
The red light came up for the cars, and for the pedestrians, it was a white light that came up. With our British mentality holding us back, we stayed waiting for the green light to come up.
Then we saw a countdown. It was 30 down to 1. Back in London that had become my home, a countdown at traffic lights was normally 10 to 1. There could be places with more than that anyway, but I was used to a 10 seconds countdown crossing.
That lovely day, we ‘bushically’ waited for the white light on our pedestrian side to finish its 30 to 1 countdown and then hoping it will change to green for us to cross, but it never did, it went back to red and we saw the cars wheezing past us with the drivers looking at us as their own light changed to pass them.
I was laughing at our naivety while wondering what the innocent drivers would think of us. It was my host that later told us that white light meant ‘go’ with them.
The only common thing we shared was the red colour. Different lights dictate when we should go or be ready for the next move.
That means, when is is red light for one, it is time to move for another person regardless of whether it is white, green or yellow.
Many ladies walked into the bondage of abusive marriages and they wondered how it happened. Actually, such ladies had lots of red flags or red lights flashing in their faces during their dating relationships, but decided to ignore such warnings.
Many believe that their wits and the surrendering of their bodies will do the magic for them rather than them making their moves at the earliest opportunity coming their way to flee.
Some ladies because of what they have been brainwashed with when growing up, they are expecting green light of positive change from a man who is possibly working with a white light mentality.
Truth is, it takes the saving grace of God to transform the hearts of men. And since you are not God, when you see red lights beaming at your face, make your move. Don’t bother waiting for a green or white light.
Now, what are the signs to look for before you take to your heels dear friend?
- If a man cannot hold an intelligent conversation with you but rather prefers sex all the time as if it is his birth right when he has not done the right thing by marrying you, that is a red light indicating you should stop the nonsense and run away.
You cannot build a lasting relationship on sex alone. If you cannot talk and relate well when dating, he won’t talk and relate with you if he eventually marries you. These are the type of men that would go straight to their social clubs after work and won’t bother come home till after midnight.
- If he is not a happy person, it is a red light. This guy may have lots of issues in his life but my dear lady, you are not responsible for any of it. If he cannot solve his issues, guess what? He will bring them into your life.
A sad person will make you sad too. He will always burst your bubble and deflate you. He will poison you with his negative mind and you too will become a pessimist.
These are people who have no reason to rejoice with anyone or see anything good in life. They always have a reason to see something sad or negative around them and they will want you to share or help spread their bitterness.
- If he has no determinable source of income and pleasurably steals from you in any way, it is a red light. For instance, borrowing without paying back is systematic stealing. I counselled a lady recently. Her boyfriend only smiles and relaxes with her when he wants to collect money from her. She was running her own business but had no idea what the guy does. The guy disappears for days and weeks once he collects money. He only shows up as ‘boyfriend’ when broke. If your man does that, FLEE.
- If he gets angry all the time at little things and would call you unspeakable names, behaves violently at you to the point of breaking plates and smashing glass cups….RUN.
Leave your stuffs behind and run. Do not look back and do not let him know where you live. Break off and relocate. You will end up dead if you want to ‘faith’ it. You are not the younger sister of the Holy Spirit to think you can change the heart of such a man.
That dude is very dangerous and he will kill in future if you marry him. It is a big red flag dripping with blood. We all get angry, nonetheless, our anger should be towards ungodliness and should be controllable and never result into violence.
- Has this man ever made any serious commitment to your relationship or is he just very good with words and ‘giving you a good time?’ Don’t be deceived by words and emotional highs. If nothing has happened in your life to show that he is serious, this dude is just wasting your precious time.
If he has never brought up the subject of marriage without any encouragement from you, it is a very clear red colour. How can you date someone for one year and you have no idea of where he is taking you?
Factually, after three to four dates, a man should be able to tell you his primary intention. Whether he prayerfully hopes to take it further to the next level or just to limit things to friendship where no further demand such as sex is required or expected! Just friendship!
And if you find yourself with a man who never thinks about it and gets angry telling you of the pressure you are putting on him with the ‘M’ word you mentioned, then move on with your life and stop forcing yourself on him. A man that sees you as his sexual commodity but not willing to let you go out and sort out your future will later drop you on a desert highway where no man will come to you soon.
- If you both have different visions, it is a red flag. For example, if he is a ‘free spirit’ and wants to be on the road on adventures for the rest of his life, but you are a medical doctor, and you are looking for a stable base, you are practically incompatible.
Going on adventures and junketing around the world for months may seem sexy to you at first, but wait until you are married and you will understand the meaning of pain when you have to do everything alone by yourself, especially with children in it.
He will always be on the road or in the air with his ‘free spirit’ and possibly irresponsible friends. Is that the sort of life you want to live? My advice? Simple. Run now while you can.
- A red light simply means, ‘He is NOT the one for you.’ No matter how you feel about him, this dude will bring you pain. Ladies, when you see a red flag, it is time to disconnect, detach yourself from that guy and run for your life. It is foolish to try to turn a red flag into a ‘white or green flag’.
Most ladies often discover too late that such flags remain red for the rest of the man’s life. A lesson you must learn, is that what you see is what you will get, make no mistake about it.
So what would you do now if the guy you are going out with is painted with red all over?
- First thing, you cannot change that man. Stop trying to. Let him go back to God to sort himself out first.
- If he has someone else in his life, don’t play second fiddle hoping to win him over.
- If he hardly or never calls you, be sure, he CALLS some other woman.
- If he is nothing but pain, take a walk.
- If he is moving in a totally different direction from you, jump on another train. Your dreams are not in alignment.
- If your life is nothing but problems since you met him, travel far from him.
- If his life is disorganised and out of sync with reality, and he sees no wrong in it, receive sense and move on.
- If he doesn’t honour you and treats you like a piece of trash, if he shames you, RUN.
- If you are the one in pursuit, receive sensibility. It should be the other way round.
- If there’s just no peace at all about the relationship and you are always at each other’s neck arguing all the time, take a valium and sleep. When you wake up, FLEE.
- If he has someone else in his life, don’t play second fiddle hoping to win him over.
- If he hardly or never calls you, be sure, he CALLS some other woman.
- If he is nothing but pain, take a walk.
- If he is moving in a totally different direction from you, jump on another train. Your dreams are not in alignment.
- If your life is nothing but problems since you met him, travel far from him.
- If his life is disorganised and out of sync with reality, and he sees no wrong in it, receive sense and move on.
- If he doesn’t honour you and treats you like a piece of trash, if he shames you, RUN.
- If you are the one in pursuit, receive sensibility. It should be the other way round.
- If there’s just no peace at all about the relationship and you are always at each other’s neck arguing all the time, take a valium and sleep. When you wake up, FLEE.
Lady, it’s time to let go of the stupid weights of loads stopping you in your tracks. The Lord has someone better for you. RUN for your life anchoring your hope in God.
God bless.
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