I just stumbled on this piece I wrote in 2016 under my weekly article - ‘AMOSTIASIS ON MONDAY’ for ‘YOU AND ME CENTRAL’ as a weekly columnist. Be blessed.
Congratulations to the people getting married today.
I know you have probably packed your stuffs up for the honeymoon and you can’t wait to see the end of the reception just to get away to be with your buddy for life.
Anyway, I want to quickly bring you down to the ground level and set some records straight.
For a fact, marriage is work. Wedding day is your matriculation and everybody is happy for you. A day after your wedding, life course units begin!
Marriage is the only life course you get a certificate for before starting. And once you enter into it, you start with exams! You will be writing marital exams everyday of your life together. It is the only programme you don’t graduate from...though devil has helped introduce exit routes rationales that many are embracing wrongly today.
Expectations MLC101 (Marital Life Course) - the bar is raised from the moment you utter the 2 solemn words - ‘I do’.
Pregnancy 109 (100 units) is one of the modules under it, and you have 9 months to prove that you are capable of passing MLC 101. In-Laws are your course tutors and friends are your moderators for that.
Pregnancy 109 (100 units) is one of the modules under it, and you have 9 months to prove that you are capable of passing MLC 101. In-Laws are your course tutors and friends are your moderators for that.
Fact is, marriage is a life work and you must treat it like a career!
The thoughts I want you to let perish from this moment on in your mind are very simple:
1. Don't expect your wife to be an angel all the time without you paying the price of being her ‘little God’. Angels live in heaven and demons stay in hell. It is the habitat you create for her that will determine what she will respond as.
2. Don't think your man will remain humble and quiet like Moses if all you do is complain and grumble for the best part of day without giving yourself to prayer and patience.
3. Don't expect your husband to be a multiple Jets owning Bishop David without first accepting a humble beginning of a coughing Volkswagen Beetle as your wedding 'Limo' or family car for the time being.
4. Don't expect your wife to be a Michelle Obama without having the oratorical prowess to assure her that your visions are clear ones, and that you will surely get her to her dream land, and in your vigour, you are pushing ahead too.
Truth is, there can never be another copy of the people you look up to in marriage. They chiselled and scrubbed themselves hard to remove all their rough edges to get to where they are today.
That glitter you see in them was borne out of years of passing their silvers through the refining fire to remove the drosses on them so that their purities could finally be revealed.
If you want a beautiful marriage, build your own amusement parks inside your home, and watch out for the terrible signs that point to dangers ahead.
- When you begin to feel more comfortable in the presence of another man/woman than your own spouse....danger....run away!
- When you can share secret with an outsider rather than your spouse....danger....flee!
- When you can comfortably keep to yourself while under the same roof without a pricked conscience...danger....get closer.
- When G.Clooney, B.Pitt, W.Smith, J.Lo, Rihanna, H.Berry, Denzel, Rihanna and etc are the pictures you have in your mind before having sex (not-'making love') with your partner....danger....deliverance mode activated!
- When sexual relationship between you and your spouse is just like a chore of 'having sex' only rather than 'making love'.....danger, dangerous...catastrophe looming!
- When communicating with your spouse is something you quickly want to get done with briskly and move on but you can spend hours talking rubbish with outsiders ....danger....in fact...your roof has caught fire and you don’t know.
- When the volume of laughters and smiles reduce or stop...danger....seek for geo fast....both of you!
- When you don't have to wait for each other before having dinner, or going to bed at night without a thought for the other...danger.....that’s baaaad!
- When there is no more kid's play, sporting, erotic-dotting, teasing, 'love-yabbing', happy grinning and etc taking place under the roof....danger....dial emergency.
- When you are not both proud to identify with each other or show each other off in public...danger....alarming level of dangerous danger!
Truth is, there will be Off Days, and there will be Strike Days, and there will be 'None Days'.
But if all of these are becoming dayssssss with many 'S', and you can hardly find one for your 'Fun Day', then you both need to drop what you are doing NOW and seek for help.
Don't leave things too late. Make daily deposits of love and kindness, and should there be a 'strike day', by chance, your emotional-love deposits over time will send you a rescue boat before you sink.
You can't have disagreement yesterday, a fight today, and expect a smile tomorrow without making up by wiping clean your deficit slate.
When you notice your withdrawals from your emotional deposits are outpacing your love deposits, you need to do something fast. Go out for a retreat and talk things over.
Your love withdrawals must never outpace your love deposits. It will lead to a state known as ‘irritating tolerance’. And once you clean up your level of toleration for each other....cracks will emerge.
When you have nothing left in your deposit to fall on, your harmattan season beckons, winter is fast approaching, and it will be harsh on you both.
May your every married day be Fun Day. Enjoy your marriage.
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