After many years and months of procrastination with my fitness regime, I finally joined the exclusive gym that most of our staff subscribed to right in the city centre.
I booked my first session and I cancelled it yesterday when I saw it was the same time more than half of the guys I know were gearing up to go, and I was too tired to contemplate being there at the same time with them.
So today, I walked in. Most of the day staff were just coming in. They were still in their suits. I eyed them. When I changed into my sport outfit. I looked at the guy in the mirror and I knew he needed deliverance.
I saw 2 classes. One was dominated by guys that left work 2 hours earlier. I was surprised seeing them still working out. I was not ready to embarrass myself. They would make a dinner out of me.
So I turned to the right side. They were ladies. 7 to 10 of them were on the same night shift with me. I was surprised seeing them too. But I preferred their seemingly gentle approach. I quickly watched them and I thought that was the safest way for me to start.
Without shame or inhibition, I used my own feet to walk my shameless legs to the camp of the ladies. They smiled when I joined them. Little did I know their smiling was evil.
Suddenly, those bank ladies that talk like shadow and walk like feathers became the daughters of Hercules.
Chai, I even thought Lorraine was angry with me or herself or something else. She was either adding extra weights to her lifts or using heavier dumbbells.
Their routines changed on me and those I used to think will easily break or be blown away by a passing truck were like Cheetahs in the jungle. I was their prey and they feasted on me.
It was too late for me to run away. The guys regime session was what I ran away from, but the ladies own was like something drawn from hell to punish people.
Gosh, women don’t need those kinds of regime of exercises. They were punishing their bodies and I felt as if I was their main target just to show or teach me a lesson.
If the number of times my body refused to leave the ground happened under the guys’ watch, I wouldn’t have bothered. Better to die in the hands of the guys.
But there I was at 7:45am praying for the session to finish. I was totally wasted and shattered to pieces. I could not talk as I made my way to the changing room.
The lady that uses me as her bottle cap opener at work surprised me most. If she could do what we did without breaking a sweat, how come a bottle of Sainsbury’s Lucozade is a big chore for her to open?
I have decided I am not opening anything for her again. You barely hear them when they talk and they walk like a feather that can even break if you blow too much air into it! Meeeen, they tortured me! I wished my failings were in the camp of the men and people would still appreciate me.
Tony, Dan, Faij and Jason were laughing their heads off from the other side as I walked in pain to the shower room. I stood under cold shower for ages as I didn’t want to leave. Now I know why sport guys use baths filled with ice cubes after games.
Uber driver helped me out of his car when I got home. I went straight to drink gaari that I emptied 2 trays of iced cubes into! I guess that cold shower and iced cubes helped me with my recovery as I woke up now feeling much better.
But those ladies that did Roman legion slaying of me in the morning, when I see them in few hours time, I am gonna tell them to stop their floor pageant packaging. Any man looking up to any of them for wife material should not be deceived at all by their mascaras. They are fitness beast.
I have called the Gym and told them to get me a PT that would understand me and help me go at my own pace. Neither the guys nor the ladies side is good for me now.
Now I know why Paul said we should just face our business and run our races according to our lanes.
And as for me, except my wife that I am still even learning from after almost 11 years, I will never trust any woman packaging or underestimate their will at all. And I love them like that. Kudos to them but I will never doubt what they can do if they put their minds to it.
And men, when a woman dares you.....think twice! Their weapons are not restricted to the kitchen utensils any longer.
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